I booked a massage last week with one very simple goal: lie down, let someone else do the work for once, and calm the frick down for a full 60 minutes. When my therapist came out to grab me, I could tell right away he was having one of those days (we've all had them, IYKYK), so I went with my sunniest "Hi! How are you today?" and got back a speedy "great, busy, awkward smile, what can I help you with today?" all in one breath, which is when I realized homie was not in a chatty mood, and honestly, fair enough. He DID NOT want me to respond, if you felt that tension you would have been like whoooooaaaa, NOTED.
Turns out his car had broken down and he and his wife were sharing one car for the time being, which, if you've ever tried to coordinate one car between two busy adults, you know is its own special kind of Olympic sport. When he asked how I liked my pressure and I said medium to firm, he very kindly warned me, "Let me know if I go too hard, because I don't want to take out my life's worries on you." I mean, you have to love the transparency, and I promised I would absolutely let him know. I was nervous after that comment but what was I gonna do? Walk out?? LOL
The Day My Sacrum Became My Glutes (And My Hips)
When he asked how he could help me today, I gave him my little wish list: neck, sacrum, calves, and feet. He repeated it back as "your neck, your glutes and your hips, and below your knee," and I had to pause for a second, because I've spent a pretty big chunk of my career learning where things live in the body, and for one tiny moment standing in that massage room I wondered if I'd been teaching it wrong this whole time, LOL.
So I asked, very curiously, "Your sacrum is your glutes and your hips?" and he explained that the glutes “kind of wrap around” to the sacrum and the hips, so it's all basically the same neighborhood. Now, in his defense, glute max really does attach to the sacrum, but attaching to something and being something are two different things (my shoes attach to my feet, and yet my shoes are still not my feet LOL). I gently offered that my sacrum is my sacrum, my glutes are my glutes, and my hips are my hips, and he looked right at me and said, "You can call it whatever you want, I'm just telling you your sacrum is your glutes and your hips." 😳 I have never questioned my knowledge more in that moment ever LOL no joke. I was thinking AM I WRONG? for 50 whole minutes.
And you know what? I decided that was a hill I did not need to climb today. I wasn't there to win an anatomy debate, I was there to give my nervous system a break, so I smiled, said "Okayyyyyy," took a big breath, and let him do his thing without saying another word for the rest of the session, which for me is a HUGE CHALLENGE all on it’s own. I am a talker, feeler, and want to know everything about people working on me, so this was a triumph all on it’s own. I did not say a single word.
And just to clarify here is a little blurb that I had to confirm about 10X to reassure MYSELF so I hope it helps you:
Your sacrum is a triangular bone at the base of your spine, made of five fused vertebrae, wedged between your hip bones. Your glutes are muscles. Your hips are joints. They're neighbors. The gluteus maximus actually attaches to the back of the sacrum, but they are not the same thing. When you ask a massage therapist to work on your sacrum, you're naming a specific, correct anatomical landmark, and a good therapist should meet you there. Asking for "sacrum work" is a perfectly reasonable request and if there's any ambiguity, a good therapist asks a simple clarifying question, like whether you mean the SI joints, the glute attachments along the bone, or the low back muscles nearby. That's the difference between collaboration and condescension ;)
Plot Twist: His Hands Were Wiser Than He Was
Here's the part I DID NOT see coming!!!! Within about 5 minutes I realized this was one of the best massages I've had in a really long time, the kind where your whole body just goes ohhh, thank you, and there I was completely melted into the table while my brain was still running a million miles an hour replaying the great sacrum debate. His words and his hands were telling two totally different stories, because whatever he wanted to call it out loud, his hands knew exactly where everything was, how much pressure each spot could take, and when to stay and when to move on. (Fun little footnote: he did some lovely work on my glutes and hips and never actually touched my sacrum, so I guess we'll never know what that was all about.) HAHHA!!!
When the session ended it took me a good minute to peel myself off the table, and as I slowly sat up he asked how I was feeling. I told him I was actually pretty dizzy, and he said, "Good, good, that's very good! Drink a lot of water today. OK, bye!" and just like that I was standing in my own little bizarro world, deeply relaxed, a tiny bit dizzy, and already wondering when I could book with him again. I'll absolutely be back, I'll just be leaving the anatomy chat at the door.
What This Means for You (Yes, You, on Your Hard Days)
I've thought about this session way more than any massage deserves, and here's where I landed: when you truly learn a skill, it gets wiser than your mood. This man was clearly having a tough week, and his hands still delivered, because somewhere along the way he put in the hours and hours and hours of reps that turned good bodywork into something his hands just do, whether his day is going great or his car is in the shop. I still can’t believe he actually delivered an incredible body working session with the attitude he had and the whole “ I dont care what you call it” beside manners were an F for sure.
You know this feeling too. You've had the morning where everything went sideways, and then your client walks in and somehow you are completely on. You spot the compensation before they finish their first rep, you know exactly which drill to pull, your cues come out clean and clear, and an hour later you're thinking, where did that come from??! It came from every course, every client, and every time you practiced something until it stopped needing your full attention.
That's the really encouraging part. The other part, the one my massage therapist reminded me of so beautifully, is that our clients feel all of us, not just our hands. I loved the bodywork and I'm going back, but I'm also going back with a cute little list of rules for myself (keep the small talk small, and maybe skip the anatomy), and that's something we want to keep in mind for our own clients too. So what matters more, what someone knows or how they show up in the room? I honestly think the answer is both, and the good news is that the deeper your skills go, the more space you have to bring your best, warmest self into the room, even on the days that are trying their hardest to knock you off course.
A Few Ways to Let Your Skills Carry You (and Your Clients) on a Hard Day
Keep stacking reps on your easy days. The hours you put in when life is calm are exactly what show up for you when it isn't, so keep learning, keep practicing, and keep getting curious.
Give yourself a 60-second reset before your client walks in. A little humming or a few long, slow exhales can help your own nervous system arrive in the room too (I break down why humming works in my vagal wake-up blog).
Name it kindly, then set it down. Something like "I'm having a bit of a day, but this next hour is all yours" lets your client know it isn't about them, without handing them your worries to carry.
Trust your training and let it lead. You built these skills for exactly these moments, so let them do what they know how to do.
Where Do Your Skills Outshine Your Mood?
Think about a session where you walked in having a rough day and walked out having totally rocked it, because I promise you have one, and it's living proof of all the work you've already put in! And if you want a place to keep building those skills so deep that they show up for you no matter what kind of day you're having, that's exactly what we do together inside the Movement Mentality Mentorship.
Keep putting in the reps, friends. Your hands (and your clients) will thank you.
I love you, you got this!
Missy 💚
P.S. My sacrum is still my sacrum. I checked.LOL!!!